V. Guidebooks for the Traveler :
An Annotated Bibliography


Along the journey of life, at some time or another we reach a place which requires us to ask for directions or clarification. These books will help a parent stop a moment, rest their feet on a bench for the weary, and learn a new tool, or approach, or just discover that others also have experienced a similar obstacle. Much like a visitor in a foreign land must, on occasion, reach for a map or a dictionary, parents will find that they, too, will be glad for a translation or interpretation now and again.

The annotations themselves are listed in alphabetical order by the author's last name. To enable the reader to discern which books meet her or his interests, the book titles are listed separately corresponding to the chapters of the guidebook. Since some books overlap in content, the reader may find a book listed more than once. I hope this will allow for more ease in finding the book(s) which you particularly need.


  1. Preparation : Becoming A Parent
  2. The Journey : The Three Spheres of Parenting
  3. Destination : Are You Still Wondering Whether To Go?

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Polly Berrien Berends, Whole Child/Whole Parent Harper & Row, NY, 1983 Buy the Book Today!
This book incorporates two seemingly opposite sides of childrearing: an in-depth look at the "spiritual" side of parenting along with thorough chapters on equipment, toys, books, and setting up a nursery. It is divided into ages and stages of children from prenatal to preschool. The reader will also find many wonderful quotes from various spiritual leaders of the world.
Her definition of parenthood expresses the in-depth search in the book of how to parent through spirituality. The author states, " Parenthood is neither the having of children, nor something we do to children. Parenthood is a time when we are pushed to discover the nature of the whole and our oneness with it."
This is a fascinating book for new parents or for parents searching to explore the spirituality in their lives and possible ways to incorporate it into their families.

Jean Illsley Clark, Self-Esteem: A Family Affair Harper & Row, NY, 1978 Buy the Book Today!
The focus of this book is to provide tools for the family to help build the self-esteem of each of its' members, and thus the family's self-esteem as an entity. It contains worksheets, homework for the family, and some basic ideas to try out with your family.
In the author's words; "This book encourages people to claim their own strengths and to make their own decisions about appropriate child care, and it provides some tools for adults to get their own needs met."
Although the individual reader may gleen an idea or two, this book is best used as the basis of a support group, or in other similar environments. It contains a large amount of jargon, as well as lack of basic explanations of that jargon in the text. (The author requests you use her glossary to get the definitions of such words as self-esteem.) I also think the exercise and worksheets would be more beneficial if after they were tried at home, a number of parents shared with one another the reactions, and benefits of using them.

Dr. Don Dinkmeyer, Dr. Gary D. McKay, Raising a Responsible Child: Practical Steps to Successful Family Relationships Fireside Books, NY, 1973 Buy the Book Today!
The reader will find a thorough exploration of what the authors' states are the requirements for producing healthy, mature, and socially responsible children. These requirements being: democratic relationships based on mutual respect, encouragement that communicates respect, love, support, and valuing of the child as a person, use of natural and logical consequences to replace reward and punishment, and basic understanding of human behavior.
The book contains wonderful, useful examples and explanations of many aspects of life between parent and child. I find their approach to "perfect parenting" refreshing and extremely needed. In their words, "Our children will not develop the courage to be imperfect unless they have examples to emulate. As parents you much accept your own imperfections and still have the courage to try to improve."
Unlike so many books instructing us on how to raise "responsible" children, this one does not batter us for our mistakes and shortcomings.

Dr. James Dobson, Dare to Discipline Tyndale House Publishers, Wheaton, Ill., 1970 Buy the Book Today!
This book was written during the upheaval of youth and society of the 60's. It would be considered an authoritarian approach when listed amongst the parenting styles and techniques of the 1980's. The book contains a lot of outdated material, such as a chapter on drugs, and their street names. Dr. Dobson is an advocate of both spanking and squeezing the trapezius muscle of the neck as "motivation" to train the child, as well as full-time mothering for the first five years, and behavior modification.
I find it hard to recommend this book to anyone. I include it here as a contrast to more democratic techniques. The book's saving grace is the chapter entitled, "A Moment for Mom", which offers even today's parents (Mom & Dad) a few reminders of how to care for themselves during the sometimes overwhelming work of childrearing.

Dr. Fitzhugh Dodson, How to Discipline With Love (from crib to college) New American Library, NY, 1977 Buy the Book Today!
After discovering Dr. Dodson's basic premise, you might rename this book, "How to Teach With Love". His premise is that discipline is teaching, and so when we are disciplining children, we are teaching them two things; "To use desirable behaviors, and to avoid undesirable behaviors." Some of his techniques include using a reward system, contracts between parent and child, mutual problem solving, and the communication skill of feedback.
A very important point of Dr. Dodson's is that reading books, and taking courses in parenting are valuable and necessary. However, in the end, the parent needs to remember to filter the information and techniques through the lens of their own personality.
I especially like a particular chapter which outlines twenty "discipline" strategies and how each can be used. I think parents too often forget, or are afraid, to shop for that technique which fits their situation and family best.

Rudolf Dreikurs, M.D., with Vicki Soltz, RN, Children: The Challenge E.P. Dutton, NY, 1964 Buy the Book Today!
This is considered a classic book by many in the field of education and parenting, and is "must" reading for every parent. Based on Alfred Adler's work, Dr. Dreikurs presents a very human process with which to raise children. The book is not filled with everyday examples, but the theory is simply and thoroughly explained. The foundation of his theory is equality which he defines as "...people, despite all their individual differences and abilities, have equal claims to dignity and respect."
Dr. Dreikurs gives parents a book which approaches the whole of childrearing and not just "discipline"; therein lies its' strength.

Rudolf Dreikurs, M.D., and Loren Grey, Phd, A Parent's Guide to Child Discipline Hawthorne Books, NY, 1970. Buy the Book Today!
Dreikurs and Grey offer parents an exploration of the social change which has occurred in our society that has brought about the need for a new tradition in childrearing, as well as explanations of techniques to disciplining in this new society.
This is a more basic, how-to, book than Dr. Dreikurs book, Children: The Challenge. His techniques are firmly rooted in the belief that each behavior of a child is goal-oriented, and misbehavior is simply behavior with a misdirected goal. The reader will find one of the best, thorough, and easily understood explanations of the difference between punishment and logical consequences.
Dreikurs and Grey offer one of the most respectful, humanizing, and easily put to use ways to raise children in today's society.

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids WIll Talk Avon, NY, 1980 Buy the Book Today!
Although written several years after their book, Liberated Parents, Liberated Children, Ms.' Faber and Mazlish have given us another great book for applying the theories and principles of Dr. Haim Ginott.
Its particular emphasis is on communication between parent and child. The reader will find clear and concise instructions and examples of establishing clear lines of communication.
The techniques offered in this book can be helpful in any interpersonal human relationship, and is highly recommended.

Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish, Liberated Parents, Liberated Children Avon, NY, 1974 Buy the Book Today!
This is a great book for practical and helpful examples of how Dr. Haim Ginott's philosophy of discipline works. The authors were part of a parents group under the leadership of Dr. Ginott. This book is a result of their experiences with putting the teachings and techniques to work in their own homes.
They quote Dr. Ginott extensively and offer clarification of his theories through personal examples . I think Dr. Ginott's work is important material for parents to know, and this book offers clear and concise explorations of it, in an easy and enjoyable format.

Ellen Galinsky, Between Generations: The Stages of Parenthood Berkeley Books, NY, 1981 Buy the Book Today!
In her book, Ms. Galinsky has outlined a series of stages that parents go through as their children grow. She states: "The history of parenthood thus is a personal saga of images failed and achieved. It is a history, too, of passing through stages, led by our children's growth."
In terms of organization and writing style, this book can sometimes be confusing and difficult reading. But, nevertheless, it offers a parent another look at parenting as a process, rather than as a product-producing activity.

Dr. Janice T. Gibson, Discipline is not a dirty word: A Positive Learning Approach Lewis Publishing Co., Lexington, MA, 1983
Ms. Gibson overviews a fair representation of several methods and styles of "discipline"; forever reassuring the parent to use what fits best. She states well "I care less whether my child-rearing methods would have been acceptable to Sigmund Freud or B.F.Skinner or Benjamin Spock than whether they helped my children become what I wanted: happy, healthy, well-adjusted youngsters". Implicitly, her book helps a parent begin to trust in their own style and beliefs while still doing what is "right" for their child(ren).
The book also contains a useful bibliography of books and resources, as well as an excellent chart of "expected age-related behaviors and disorders."
The reader will find understanding and comfort in Dr. Gibson's book.

Dr. Haim G. Ginott, Between Parent & Child: New Solutions to Old Problems Macmillan Co., NY, 1965 Buy the Book Today!
Much more important than the how-tos explored by Dr. Ginott, are his teachings that parents are human, too. And that acceptance of our humanness is a step toward parenting effectively.
He recommends we remember these truths:
1. We accept the fact that children make us angry.
2. We are entitled to our anger without guilt or shame.
3. Except for one safeguard, we are entitled to express what we feel. We can express our angry feelings provided we do not attack the child's personality or character." (or his body, I would add.)
Parents will find forgiveness and understanding for their imagined and real transgressions from always doing the "right" thing for their child(ren). Dr. Ginott helps parents remember their humanness.

H. Stephen Glenn with Jane Nelson, Raising Children for Success: Blueprints and Building Blocks for Developing Capable Young People Sunrise Press, Fairoaks, CA, 1987 Buy the Book Today!
This book contains Mr. Glenn's basic philosophy of parenting. Ms. Nelsen's book, "Positive Discipline" explains this philosophy in practical, down-to-earth fashion. His theories borrow heavily from Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs.
The book is best summarized by the authors: "Parenting can be seen as a chore and a burden or as an adventure with unlimited possibilities and opportunities for joy and fulfillment. The difference is merely a matter of attitude and perception. The purpose of this book is to help parents make changes in attitudes and perceptions that cannot solve everyday problems but can help children find success and happiness in any endeavor they choose."
The reader will find this book an interesting exploration of Mr. Glenn's theories of parenting, but will not find any practical applications of it.

Dr. Thomas Gordon, PET: Parent Effectiveness Training New American Library, NY, 1970 Buy the Book Today!
This is a real down-to-earth, how-to-parent book. It's a "no-lose" method of parenting, a way to "develop a warm intimate relationship based on mutual love and respect". The reader will find clear, concise, and useful information on active listening and the issues of "owning" a problem. Dr. Gordon also addresses, with sincereity and thoroughness two issues: the willingness of parents to see and treat their children as separate people, and the internal growth necessary for parents as people if they want to parent well.
A basic premise held by Dr. Gordon, which I think many would disagree with, is that you cannot separate a child's actions from his/her human-ness. The book leaves you with the question of whether this method and this premise really belong together.

Herbert Kohl , Growing With Your Children Little, Brown & Co., Boston, 1978 Buy the Book Today!
Mr. Kohl's book is best described by using his own words: "It is about the frustrations of being a parent but, more than that, it is an affirmation of the joys of having and being with children and the values of family life despite the problems." His book centers around five themes of family life: discipline, strength, respect, fairness and joy.
I do not find Mr. Kohl's book a resource for the how-to's of day to day life. It is, instead, a book full of respect for the difficulties and joys of raising children.

Alice Miller , For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence Farrar, Straus, Groux, NY, 1983 Buy the Book Today!
Ms. Miller, through revealing the childhoods of Adolf Hitler, Jurgen Bartsh, and Sylvia Plath shows us the result of hidden cruelty in the life of a child. She examines the plight of a child unable to prevent or expose the cruel acts thrust on her or him each day.
Her message is a clear and necessary one: "We do not need to be told whether to be strict or permissive with our children. What we do need is to have respect for their needs, their feelings, and their individuality, as well as for our own. The more we idealize the past, however, and refuse to acknowledge our childhood sufferings, the more we pass them on unconsciously to the next generation."
This is the most easily understood and vital to parents of Ms. Miller's books. This is a book which I feel is one of the "shoulds" of life: for all parents, teachers, and others involved in the lives of children.

Alice Miller, Thou Shalt Not Be Aware New American Library, NY, 1984 Buy the Book Today!
This is an important book for those people interested in self-growth and the psychological wholeness of their children. Ms. Miller delves deeply into what she calls the betrayal of the child: "...in order to survive, a little child needs love, care, attention, and tenderness from the adult. He will do anything in order to get them and to keep them."
The book is written from a psychoanalytic point of view, and can sometimes be difficult reading for those unfamiliar with the field, but a challenge well worth it.
Ms. Miller's books are important reading for anyone dedicated to children being brought up with respect for their humanness.

Grace Mitchell, A Very Practical Guide to Discipline With Young Children Telshare Pub., MA, 1982 Buy the Book Today!
Ms. Mitchell is well-known in early childhood education and has published books addressed to the needs of early-childhood teachers (ages 2 - 8). Although this book is written for parents, most of the examples given happen in the classroom. This may, or may not, be helpful for parents.
The book's main message, however, is an important one for parent and teacher alike: "When a person feels good about himself, self-confidence allows him to venture, to take risks, and to attempt new feats. . . If he reaches his goal, his "I CAN" expands. The most important thing you can do for your own child or a student, is to help him hold his head high - "I AM" - reach out for the stars - "I CAN" - and know the sweet satisfaction of success."
The reader will find this one of the few books addressed particularly to the very young child.

Augustus Y. Napier, Phd, Carl A. Whitaker, MD , The Family Crucible: One Family's Therapy, An Experience that Illuminates All Our Lives Bantam Books, 1978 Buy the Book Today!
As its' title suggests, this book is the chronicle of one family's experience in family therapy. It also explains the therapists' role and how this role plays an integral part in the failure or success of the family's therapy experience.
Drs. Napier and Whittaker take us on a journey into the workings of one particular family . They attempt to show the reader how, "Every family is a miniature society, a social order with its own rules, structure, leadership, language, style of living..."
This book will not help a parent discipline, or teach any parenting skills. It will expose the reader to the idea of the family as a system, and the importance of realizing the interconnectedness of all family members.

Jane Nelsen, Positive Discipline: Teaching Children Self-Discipline, Responsibility, Cooperation and Problem-Solving Skills Sunrise Press, Fairoaks, CA, 1981 Buy the Book Today!
The theories in this book are based on the research and writings of Alfred Adler and Rudolph Dreikurs. The basic concepts are:
  1. Children are social beings.
  2. Behavior is goal oriented.
  3. A child's primary goal is to belong and to be significant.
  4. A misbehaving child is a discouraged child.
  5. A child has real concern for his fellow person, and a sincere desire to contribute to life.
  6. All people have equal claims to dignity and respect.

An important premise of this book is that as parents and teachers, we can, instead of assuming children want to be difficult, assume they want positive results, and are simply confused about how to achieve them. Since a child's goal is to belong, the book explains the four mistaken goals that a child has in an attempt to achieve that.
This is an important book for understanding what has come to be known as "democratic" childrearing. The only thing it lacks, which I have found in more detail in other books, such as A Parent's Guide to Child Discipline (Dreikurs & Grey), is real concrete examples of the mistaken goals of behavior in action, and specific steps toward teaching and helping children to become problem solvers.

Letty Cottin Pogrebin, Growing Up Free: Raising Your Child in the 80's Bantam Books, NY, 1980 Buy the Book Today!
This book is filled with non-stop questions about how to raise our children to be free of sexism in a sexist world.
"Non-sexist childrearing is a commitment by a parent or other caring adult to helping children be free of sex role constraints, free of patriarchal predestination, and free to discover the very best in themselves."
It presents in a non-inflammatory and non-political manner, the myriad of situations, and their possible solutions where our children are exposed to, and treated with, sexist attitudes and behaviors. As the author convinced me, "Non-sexist childrearing is good for your child."
This is, truly, must reading for any person with a child in their lives: a child they hope to help reach their full potential as a human being.

Kyle D. Pruett, M.D., The Nurturing Father Warner Books, NY, 1987 Buy the Book Today!
Dr. Pruett's book is the result of a long-term study of families in which the father served as the primary caregiver to the children in intact marriages/families.
It explores in-depth the societal, cultural, and personal issues involved in role-reversed families. It explores, as well, the reasons why there aren't more male primary care-givers. It contains an excellent chapter on children's acquisition of gender and/vs. sex role identity, as well as a chapter on divorce and the father's role as caregiver in divorce.
His theory is not that these fathers did anything better than mothers, but that making the choice to full-time parent gave them the opportunity to experience themselves fully. "What is unique is the idea that parenthood may be owned jointly, not by just mother or father, but by both."

Nancy Samalin with Martha Moraghan Jablow, Loving Your Child Is Not Enough: Positive Discipline That Works Viking Press, NY, 1987 Buy the Book Today!
This book is based on two premises: that the way we speak and act determines how children will respond, and that love is not enough; parents need skills in disciplining. The discussions of letting go, both of our children's mistakes in decision-making, and our own mistakes in parenting is the strength of this book.
The reader will find concise, clear explanations and examples of "positive" disciplining techniques, such as listening skills and the use of natural consequences.
Ms. Samalin has included an excellent chapter on anger, and how to handle it to avoid hurting your child in any manner. The reader will find similar ideas in other books, but will enjoy another perspective on the issue of discipline.

Virginia Satir, Peoplemaking Science & Behavior Books, Palo Alto, CA, 1972 Buy the Book Today!
Ms. Satir's book will offer parents another tool for their work in childrearing. "Just as a sailor's fate depends on knowing about the iceberg under the water, so a family's fate depends on understanding the feelings and needs and patterns that lie beneath everyday family events. In a clear, and concise way, Ms. Satir explores the family as a unit, as separate human beings, and our roles within the family.
Although parents will not find the day-to-day how-tos in this book, they will find a thorough investigation of the process of how human beings grow and learn nurturing skills as individuals, and as a family unit.

Patte Wheat with Leonard L. Lieber, Hope for the Children: A Personal History of Parents Anonymous Winston Press, Minneapolis, MN, 1979 Buy the Book Today!
This book is a month-by-month account, of PA's evolution from one woman's anger that noone knew how to help her combat her abusive side, to an international organization of self-help groups. There are many personal stories of the people who became involved.
Although it is a dry account, it is a good representation of the enormous respect PA has for the people they work with. Their process deals with the inappropriate behavior of parents without labeling the parents as "bad" people.
As it is a history, the reader will find only that, and a sense of the innate respect we all need to have for the process of parenting, but will not find any "parenting tips", as such.

Phyllis & David York & Ted Wachtel, Toughlove Doubleday & Co., NY, 1982 Buy the Book Today!
Toughlove starts with an interesting premise. "Looking for family problems and pathology which 'cause' behavior problems distracts from the real issue: the responsibility of each young person for his or her own actions." There is practicality and fairness always evident in the Toughlove program. The importance of community support, and how to form it is an important premise and tool offered in this book.
This book has much to offer parents. Whether or not you have a 'wayward" teenager, the book can be used as food for thought on where your boundaries as a parent lie.

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